September 5, 2008, 2:20:16 PM EDT
Subject: letter to catherine from AC
my god -- this could not have come at a better time!
i just spent the last 4 hours composing a letter only to realize i have no one to send it to.
i have so many things i need to say-- and it huts so much to realize that my carefully chosen words have been ignored, ridiculed or twisted by some egomaniac who seems to get off on making me feel like a piece of shit.
i spent hours writing a press release for a committee i joined believing it would lead to other opportunities (which it did) but apparently it is good to use so long as I don't put my name on it.
So after putting my entire soul into a volunteer project for the last two weeks, i am at a loss for words. i only have tears.
this world is breaking me, and i just don't get it...
i don't understand why i do so much for others only to find myself completely abandoned by the very same people and organizations i helped build.
all i can think right now is just sending a very simple one word reply: "FURB!"
hope is a terrible thing. so is post traumatic stress. just as i begin to think i'm on the verge of breaking the cycle; the slightest trigger can set me back to the exact same place i was 13 years ago.
i'm sorry for babbling at your expense, but i actually may send it (to you exclusively) on the off chance that you may be able to see through my fragmented, disconnected words that keep me from participating in this so-called life.
thank you so very much-- if you don't mind, i may just send the letter to myself.
i worked on for so long, [FIVE YEARS] because even if you don't read it, at least i'll know that i had enough courage to say what some people really need to hear!
unfortunately, the people who need to hear what i'm saying are so far removed from the incredible pain they have caused me, they would not even realize i am directing my anger, fear, sadness and feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness that are a direct result of their depraved indifference.
this is a very sad day for me.
i hope you don't mind me sharing too much-- it kind of comes with the territory!
Elyssa D. Durant, Ed.M.
"The paradox of education is precisely this-- that as one begins to become educated, one begins to examine the society in which he [or she] is being educated." - Baldwin
POST SCRIPT: This is a happy day for me because not only am I finally posting this "UNWRITTEN" letter, I no longer suffer with PTSD and after living in silence for more than a decade, I am finally finding my voice and my self. August 29, 2013.
No longer "UNWRITTEN" © 2008-2013